The Silent Pressure of Becoming successful.
Nobody ever mentions it, but it is always present.
During the interludes between the discussion.
In a manner that individuals will question, “So... what are you doing now?
In the silent comparisons that we make as we scroll through the lives of other people.
The stress to make something out of oneself is seldom high-pitched. It doesn’t shout. It whispers. And that weighs it down somehow.
Success Is No Longer a Dream It is a Deadline.
Success ceased to be something we desired and something we were supposed to attain--so fast, so conspicuous, so much sooner than we had predicted, so much sooner than we should have imagined, so much sooner than we might have imagined, so much sooner, in a word, than we ourselves forecasted.
It has an unspoken clock on it:
At this age, you ought to have your purpose.
At such an age, you have to be making good income.
You should be settled. Recognized. Certain.
And when you are not you begin to think you are late to a life that everyone else has already started.
Nobody informs you that this pressure will come sneaking in. It will not come along with panic initially. It will manifest itself as self-doubt, as restlessness, as the incessant sense that you ought to be doing more--when you are already tired.
When you think that everyone else has made it up.
Comparison did not come into existence through social media but was refined to perfection.
We identify promotions being trumpeted as festivals.
We have dream jobs, side hustles, productive mornings, and soft life aesthetics.
We watch how people make profit out of their passion, their hardships out of success stories.
What we don’t see is confusion.
We do not observe the trepidation of certitude.
We do not witness the nights when they seek to know whether this is actually what they wanted.
We suppose everyone is progressing and us not. And that supposition gradually moves us to conclude that something must be wrong with us.
The Definition of Success Was Never Ours.
This is the mute part of this pressure:
We are mostly pursuing an idea of success that we did not make up our minds about.
At some point in the journey, success turned into figures and figures of salary, number of followers, titles, milestones. It was made something quantifiable, something that others could legitimize.
But what of the kind of success that can not be posted?
Waking up without dread.
Having time to think.
Being likeable when nobody is around.
Making purpose out of everyday lives.
These rarely make the list. But still, they are the things that make life livable.
Productivity as Evidence of Value.
We are in an era where exhaustion is a source of pride and sleep must be explained.
When you are in a hurry, you are significant.
When you feel fatigued then you must be working hard.
When you slow up you are losing ground.
We continue, because to stop is to be beaten, to be uncertain, yet we continue, even when we are tired and even when we are not. We misuse speed and motion and clatter for cause.
And gradually, gently, we cease to ask ourselves the most significant question:
Is this life actually mine?
The Fear of Being Under the Pressure.
Fundamentally, the need to be successful is not about ambition. It’s about fear.
Fear of being ordinary.
The fear of not fulfilling others.
Fear of wasting potential.
The fear of turning round and knowing that we have been leading another person’s vision of a good life.
So we push ourselves harder. We silence our doubts. We do not pay attention to those aspects of us that are demanding something less demanding, less hectic, more human.
Redefining Success, Gently
Perhaps success does not need to be conspicuous.
Perhaps, it looks like the peaceful alternative to the aggressive proving.
As well as letting yourself develop at your own rate.
Similar to accepting the fact that you are not sure about everything- and that it is not a weakness.
Perhaps success is learning, unlearning and becoming--once more and again.
And perhaps the most courageous thing of all in a world that is outcome-crazed is to listen to yourself rather than to others.
A Quiet Reminder
You are not weak when you are experiencing this pressure this invisible weight. You’re aware.
You are in the world that values success and haste and is yet to cherish your humanness. That’s not failure. That’s resistance.
You are not behind.
You are not wasting time.
Thou hast liberty to make the long way.
It does not need to proclaim its success.
In some cases, it is nothing more than deciding to live with integrity one quiet and deliberate step at a time.
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