My Nervous System to Me
"Nothing happened... Nothing happened that should make you carry so much inside yourself. Why do you keep filling this empty space with endless thoughts? There's nothing there... Just pause for a moment. Breathe. Stay still.
So many thoughts. So many emotions. So many tiny worries. So much emotional instability... all at once. It's becoming too much for me to hold. Why do you feel everything so deeply? Why does every word settle in your heart? Why do you fill every silence with a thousand voices?
Why do you keep doing the very things that hurt me? Sitting frozen for hours while barely breathing. Staring into the distance with unfocused eyes. Losing yourself so completely that even the world around you starts to feel unfamiliar. Why?
You think you're just sitting quietly, but I know what's happening inside you. Before one thought can leave, another takes its place. Before one fear fades, another comes knocking. Your mind never rests, not even for a single moment, and I am the one carrying its weight.
And all the feelings you bury deep inside... they break me too. You don't cry; you simply sit there with tears that never fall. You don't speak; you whisper to yourself with lips that barely move. Sometimes you try to comfort your heart. Sometimes you argue with your mind. And sometimes... you lose to both.
Do you remember the last time you comforted yourself out loud? No, you don't. Because you're exhausted. Because you're afraid. Afraid to call your own name. Afraid to reassure yourself. Afraid to say, "I will be okay."
What are you doing to yourself? Why do you let your body go numb over every little thing? Why do your hands begin to shake? Why do you feel frozen? Why do you keep holding your breath? Why do you bite your lips until they ache? Doesn't it frighten you when your heart tightens with pain, then starts pounding as if it's trying to escape your chest?
I send you signals every single day. Sometimes as tightness in your chest. Sometimes as exhaustion that sleep can't fix. Sometimes as aching shoulders and a heavy neck. Sometimes as tears that appear for no reason. And sometimes as silence that is never really just silence.
But every time... you ignore me.
Please... get up. Move, even if it's only a little. Take one deep breath. Walk for a few minutes. Drink some water. Talk to someone. Or at least speak to yourself with kindness. Your body is slowly shutting down under the weight you've been carrying. Every part of you is trying to tell you that this burden has become too heavy.
Listen to me... please. Can you hear the signals I've been sending through your body all this time?
Just this once... listen.
I'm not your enemy.
I'm only trying to protect you."
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